Peter and I were discussing some of the ways that being a grownup is hard work. Aside from having so many chores and no months-long summer vacations, I think the hardest part is something no one ever really tells you about - the fact that you have to work against your inclinations so much, for your own good.
A simple example is that I am inclined to eat cookies ALL THE TIME. Except I shouldn't. When you're a kid, there's someone to stop you. When you're a grownup, you have to stop yourself = work.
A more complicated example, for me, is socializing. I am an introvert.* I love staying at home. I really have to gather my energy and pull myself together to go out. Unless it's meeting a group of close friends, which is pretty low stress, I find myself looking for ways to excuse myself from the activity. The grown-up part of me often has to step in and make me go, for my own good. And in the end I usually have a great time - but I'll still try to stay home next time. It's important that I force myself to go because turning into a hermit is not good for me - I'd miss out on interesting experiences and meeting new people and catching up with friends.
Not-going is an easy road to start down because staying home is soooo easy. And the less I go out, the harder it gets to go out so I'm even less inclined to do it - a very nasty self-reinforcing situation. This is one of the reasons why dance is so good for me - it forces me to get out every week and socialize with lots of people. That's really hard for me. It was especially hard in the beginning because it was combining socializing with dancing back before I knew any steps - holy stress! But we went to the parties and stayed - at first maybe only 30-40min before we ran away, but now we'll go for an hour or two and it's become easier. Partly because I know more dance steps, partly because I know more people at the studio, but mostly because we've been doing it every week for two years now, so I've had practice at socializing!
Not-going is an easy road to start down because staying home is soooo easy. And the less I go out, the harder it gets to go out so I'm even less inclined to do it - a very nasty self-reinforcing situation. This is one of the reasons why dance is so good for me - it forces me to get out every week and socialize with lots of people. That's really hard for me. It was especially hard in the beginning because it was combining socializing with dancing back before I knew any steps - holy stress! But we went to the parties and stayed - at first maybe only 30-40min before we ran away, but now we'll go for an hour or two and it's become easier. Partly because I know more dance steps, partly because I know more people at the studio, but mostly because we've been doing it every week for two years now, so I've had practice at socializing!
I think all those grownups who went on and on when I was a kid about the importance of practicing, may have been on to something. I'm still an introvert, but now I can more easily make small talk with strangers (and then waltz with them, as an added bonus).
* The best explanation I've heard for the difference between introverts and extroverts is that extroverts are energized by being around people, while introverts find it draining.
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I'm the same way - I find it so hard to walk into conferences and other work things where I don't know anyone but have to socialize and networking is, like, the point of being there. Over the years it's become a little easier, but I still dread that first plunge into a room of strangers.
Being a grownup is surprisingly devoid of fun.
I'm the same way - I find it so hard to walk into conferences and other work things where I don't know anyone but have to socialize and networking is, like, the point of being there. Over the years it's become a little easier, but I still dread that first plunge into a room of strangers.
Being a grownup is surprisingly devoid of fun.
You're definition is perfect (coming from someone who has to teach this stuff!) I am an extreme extrovert, so I know where you are coming from...at least from a polar opposite perspective :)
Extroverts get their energy from being around others (don't have to interact with them)...whereas introverts get their energy from being alone and "charging their batteries."
Interstingly enough, as an extrovert I can be a homebody. I love being with my family and doing stuff with them...because I am around people. However, if the family goes away I can't stand being in the house by myself...I get bored.
Sarah has commented that she can't believe that as an extrovert I am not wanting to go out all the time...again, it is not about "doing stuff" so much as having people around. For example, when I travel by myself I can't stand sitting in the hotel room watching tv or movies...I get bored. So I'll go to the lounge and read a book or watch a movie on my laptop. To an observer, I would appear an introvert, as I am not interacting with others...but it isn't about interacting it is enough to be around people.
So, there you have the extrovert perspective on the matter :)
But to get to the actual premise of your post...it sucks to be a grownup and have to control yourself!
Sean